I'm finding myself torn. Of course. I'm increasingly frustrated by the reality that Tommy is far too wrapped up in his own miseries right now---which he was completely forthright about---and that this is going nowhere. Its also frustrating because from the outside looking in, it seems he is the architect of his own misery. I hate to judge in this way because I haven't lived in his shoes--but there's this overwhelming sense of victimhood. And its frustrating to observe.
And yet, he has provided so many profound and useful insights. Its a way of thinking more positively and more open to the belief in good and purpose without sounding like delusional bullshit. Like just now--- it dawned on me that despite all the miseries of this job, the reality is that this has given me such a wide range of exposure and understanding of my diabetes than I ever would have without it. Its a strange blessing I guess you can say. Its such an overwhelming and confusing disease; even knowing what I know I still find so many things confusing and unknowable about it.
But its also hard to maintain the view that this meaning balances out all the pain? I don't know. Anyhow, this has (as predicted) stretched into incoherent rambling so I suppose I'll go do something else right now.
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